Now, I think that the title of this post kind of explains what it is going to be about.
I am fat. There, I said it. However, I used to be even more fat, like 2st fatter. I lost 5st and looked rather lovely in my opinion. I weighed 195lbs (around 14st) and I was the slimmest I'd ever been. So now you can use your mathematical brains to work out how big I was at my largest!
Then things happened in my life, I lost important people and I got mentally and very physically ill. I've had an operation to correct the physical illness, which I am very grateful for - but unfortunately it means I eat a lot more of a variety of things now! I gained 3 of the stone I had lost and now I'm feeling very glum about the whole situation. I can almost hear you tutting and saying that these are just excuses. They are, so this blog is going to be dedicated to why I CAN and WANT to lose weight.
1. Health
I think we all know deep down that we need to put good things into our body to hopefully stay as healthy and alive as possible. Eating healthily helps with depression, mood problems, digestive problems and gives you the feel good factor. Now, I have suffered with back problems, only a bulging disc, but it hurts enough for me to notice it. Funnily enough, this problem appeared when I lost the weight the first time; the nice physio lady said that it was because my poor body had been lumbering around with so much weight for such a long time, that now it was lighter it didn't know how to carry itself. So with strength training (mainly the awesome exercise that is Zumba) I managed to combat this problem. But that pain is slowly creeping back and I don't want it! I have suffered really badly with IBS since forever (I won't go into too much detail about it), but I need to make sure that I have a diet full of fibre to help me combat the pain that comes along with that too. And although one hopes, KFC and cake just doesn't have the right amount of fibre to combat my problem! There are the obvious risks too of heart failure and diabetes; luckily I haven't quite got to that stage, but obviously the more weight I pile on, the more likely I am to succumb. I want to be happy and healthy.
2. Children
I am of child bearing age, and I must admit the thought of having children is now crossing my mind. Do I really want to be the overweight and out of puff mommy that can't run around and act like a complete fool with her children? Uhhh, no. I want to be the kind of mother that will fill herself and her growing child full of food that it full of nutrients and things that will help them to become strong and healthy. I also want to give my children the best start in life by feeding them delicious home cooked meals that I have prepared and I know contains nothing but wholesome ingredients. Plus, every mom wants to win the three legged race at the school sports day, I'm just preparing myself!
3. Vanity
Yes, I went there. Now I'm not going to lie - I feel very unattractive. I have a loving family and super awesome friends that just look at me as someone that they love, and I know that my fiancé would adore me even if I looked a troll due to my simply raucous personality. But here's the important thing. I really don't love myself. Lately I have done a small experiment to see if I would feel better by making the effort to do my hair and makeup in the morning before leaving the house. Whether I'm going to work, or going to the shops. And yes, I must admit I feel a lot prettier but then I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a mirror or a door and I am horrified. I feel like the wind has been punched out of me. I may be pretty, but I am not the sexy lady that I have never been, but have always wanted to be. Seriously, I have NEVER been slim. But I would like to turn heads for a positive reason for once in my life! I feel like a gelatinous mess. I understand that an individual is sometimes harder on themselves than others would be, but I really feel disappointed in myself. How did I do this to myself... Again?! Lastly on the issue of vanity, I get married in exactly 402 days. I need to fit into my awesome wedding dress and look stunning. Even just once. For half an hour.
4. Everyday Things
If you have never been fat, you may not even believe that some of these things happen. And they do happen. They have happened to me, in fact. My legs rub together so much that they wear away the inside of my trousers. I have a funny story about that happening, but this is not the time, nor the place. I can't sit with my back flat against a chair. I have a ledge that goes around the top of my bum which prevents me from sitting flush in a chair. People shout, spit in my face as they pass, and follow me in the street saying awful things. I can't easily fit my legs under my steering wheel in my car. I can't fit in a bathtub without creating a huge dam. I've put on a shoe size. I have lost confidence in myself, and my anxiety levels (mentioned in a previous post) are sometimes off the scale. People can't put their arms around me properly when they hug me. I have to buy strange sized clothes to accommodate my large rump even though my chest in comparison is small, leaving a lot of my clothes baggy. My belly starts to cover my lap when I sit down. I have horrendous stretch marks. And these are just a few of the things that hinder my life. And I would like to get rid of them!
Right. I am feeling a lot better, I think I will have to keep these things in mind when I reach for that chocolate bar, or bake that massive cake and then eat it all.
That's it! Stretch way beyond your perceived limitations. Go for yours like you own it already, because you truly do. - Serena Aleta Dailey 'The magnificent Weight Loss System'
